Here we go again...
On Saturday night it got let's say... interesting at the club. It being a full moon, that seemed to bring out the dummies that wanted to go crazy. Everyone in the club seemed to drink WAY too much. You could see it on their slumped sucked in faces. Then, it happened. This girl who couldn't have been more than 80 lbs, exploded with projectile vomit that shot from the DJ booth to the bar, which is about 50 feet. The vomit must have gotten on at least 20 people on the dance floor. Then it turned into the pie eating scene from Stand By Me. Everyone started puking. EVERYONE. They were lined up 10 deep on each side of the street. I came so close to puking myself. Needless to say: interesting.
I have this new mind numbingly boring job where I have to sit in a lobby and...thats it. I don't do anything else. Just sit. All day. Except between 4:30 and 6 when I have to get up and say, "Have a good night!" and smile at everyone who's leaving. A few people tell me "Have a good night" back, but most people just ignore me and walk away. I decided to have some fun with that. I would say "Have a good night," and whoever ignored me (which was mostly everyone) I would say "or not" under my breath. Not even really under my breath, but not totally loud. I definitely started smiling more after that. Then I thought to myself, "I wonder if instead of saying 'Have a good night,' I say 'Go Fuck Yourself ' would I still be ignored?" Don't ask me how I know this, but YES.
My shitty new job also involves me working in the parking garage. Freezing my ass off for hours isn't fun at all. The only good thing about it is that you're allowed to use the radio when you're in there. I was listening to the radio when "How You Remind Me" by Nickelback started playing. Then the batteries mysteriously died at that exact moment. I'm pretty sure the batteries committed suicide to not have to suffer by playing Nickelback anymore.
I've been getting sick pretty easily recently. All I have to do is go outside on a cold day and I get a sore throat or a cough. Also, after 25 years of life, I've developed allergies. I guess I'm some sickly nerd now. What I want to know is, at what point did I become Macaulay Culkin from My Girl?? I guess I need to stay as far away from beehives now more than ever.
I don't know why scientists or psychologists would waste their time with pointless studies. Recently there was a study that asked whether or not the number one trait a woman looks for in a man is a sense of humor. I've known that was bullshit my ENTIRE LIFE!!! All they had to do was ask me. I've said for years, "You show me a girl who says what she wants from a guy is a sense of humor, and I'll show you a liar."
I know it's a day late...it didn't really make it better than it normally is...deal with it.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
My Complaints 4/13/11
I really need a way to begin this.
On Friday, I went to the Body Worlds exhibit at the Tech Museum. For those of you who don't know what that is, this doctor took all of these cadavers, filleted them like fish, and put all of their body parts on display in glass cases. Obviously, this is a must see. When I got there, I tried to have some fun with the girl selling tickets to the exhibit. I walked up to her and asked, "So...how much does it cost to see some dead bodies around here?" Not even a smile. Then I asked, "So...is it haunted?" Nothing again. Tough crowd.
I walked into the exhibit and there were bodies and body parts everywhere. Whole cadavers standing (some had swords and lassos and stuff). There were glass cases with whole brains and hearts and lungs (I know some of you just said "oh my" to yourself after you read that and I won't hold it against you). Apparently you can donate your body to this project if you want. I don't however think that would happen if you knew what part of the exhibit you'd end up being. There was one glass case and all it had in it was a penis and testicles. I don't think whoever donated their body to this thing would have been like, "I wanna be the cock and balls case." At least not that poor bastard.
This is the last thing I'm going to say about Body Worlds. Next to the cock case, obviously, was the vagina case. They had a whole pelvis in the case open up and you could see everything. The uterus, the fallopian tubes. Everything was individually labeled. I couldn't help but notice that there wasn't a clitoris label. I guess he couldn't find it either.
Here's a life lesson for everyone: If you get asked out by someone and you don't want to go, just say no. Don't say yes, then on the day you're supposed to go out, flake on them by saying you have to work on a "project", then put on your FaceBook that you're "having a great time at happy hour." Just saying!
If instead of writing lol in a comment, you write LOL, does that mean you actually laughed out loud in real life? After, all no one uses all caps all willy nilly.
After watching two hours of The Biggest Loser yesterday, for some reason I needed a milkshake. I poured a little out on the sidewalk for my homies on the ranch who can't have any. It was way gangsta.
I was finally able to talk to the smoking hot security chick at Target I talked about a few weeks ago. The problem was the reason I talked to her was because my jacket had set off the security tag detector at the door. Not a good start to our relationship; her thinking I'm a thief and all.
Not really much this week. I need stuff to do. Any suggestions??
On Friday, I went to the Body Worlds exhibit at the Tech Museum. For those of you who don't know what that is, this doctor took all of these cadavers, filleted them like fish, and put all of their body parts on display in glass cases. Obviously, this is a must see. When I got there, I tried to have some fun with the girl selling tickets to the exhibit. I walked up to her and asked, "So...how much does it cost to see some dead bodies around here?" Not even a smile. Then I asked, "So...is it haunted?" Nothing again. Tough crowd.
I walked into the exhibit and there were bodies and body parts everywhere. Whole cadavers standing (some had swords and lassos and stuff). There were glass cases with whole brains and hearts and lungs (I know some of you just said "oh my" to yourself after you read that and I won't hold it against you). Apparently you can donate your body to this project if you want. I don't however think that would happen if you knew what part of the exhibit you'd end up being. There was one glass case and all it had in it was a penis and testicles. I don't think whoever donated their body to this thing would have been like, "I wanna be the cock and balls case." At least not that poor bastard.
This is the last thing I'm going to say about Body Worlds. Next to the cock case, obviously, was the vagina case. They had a whole pelvis in the case open up and you could see everything. The uterus, the fallopian tubes. Everything was individually labeled. I couldn't help but notice that there wasn't a clitoris label. I guess he couldn't find it either.
Here's a life lesson for everyone: If you get asked out by someone and you don't want to go, just say no. Don't say yes, then on the day you're supposed to go out, flake on them by saying you have to work on a "project", then put on your FaceBook that you're "having a great time at happy hour." Just saying!
If instead of writing lol in a comment, you write LOL, does that mean you actually laughed out loud in real life? After, all no one uses all caps all willy nilly.
After watching two hours of The Biggest Loser yesterday, for some reason I needed a milkshake. I poured a little out on the sidewalk for my homies on the ranch who can't have any. It was way gangsta.
I was finally able to talk to the smoking hot security chick at Target I talked about a few weeks ago. The problem was the reason I talked to her was because my jacket had set off the security tag detector at the door. Not a good start to our relationship; her thinking I'm a thief and all.
Not really much this week. I need stuff to do. Any suggestions??
Thursday, April 7, 2011
My Complaints 4/6/11
A day late...but better late than never
For a long time I've known that people are stupid. Let me tell you how stupid people are. My car was broken into last Friday. Inside my car, I had over $2000 worth of custom suits. They were all there when I got to my car. They looked at my $200 sunglasses and were like NAH and threw them on the seat. That was a little insulting. My sunglasses weren't good enough for a thief?? Whatever. Here's what they did take. They took my GPS. My GPS was under my passenger seat. It was under my passenger seat because it was broken. I literally took it out from under the seat the day before to throw it out, but I thought I might as well wait til I clean out my whole car and I put it back under the seat. So they took that. What really pissed me off was that they took my $6 cassette adapter for my iPod. Why the fuck would they take that?? What's the fucking street value of a cassette adapter?? Like I said, people are stupid.
Why would they make cranberry juice cocktail? All it is is sugar. They might as well call it cranberry drink.
On Bill Maher, some Republican strategist dusted off the old health care reform talking point, "We were never allowed at the negotiating table." Here's the thing with that. They were, but they weren't really there honestly. They would bring up amendments to add to the health care bill like "NO VIAGRA FOR SEX OFFENDERS" and stupid things like that. It really didn't matter because they would have voted against it anyway. The entire healthcare bill could have been "THE NO VIAGRA FOR SEX OFFENDERS ACT OF 2010" and every Republican would have voted against it saying that "liberty would be infringed on people not allowing a certain demographic of people something they should have a right to." Wow, I should be a Republican strategist.
I was talking to a friend of mine at the club about propaganda. He said "Elementary school is the biggest form of propaganda in the country." I then realized he was right. I mean, you have to say the Pledge of Allegiance EVERY DAY!!! It stays in your mind forever. That's just wrong. They've been doing that long before they had kids sings songs about Barak Obama. Just saying...
Alex said about my last weeks blog, "It was terrible." I said no it wasn't. And he goes, " It wasn't terrible...but it wasn't good." Hmmm...Fuck you dude.
Sorry it was late. It's probably gonna happen again sooner so sorry in advance.
For a long time I've known that people are stupid. Let me tell you how stupid people are. My car was broken into last Friday. Inside my car, I had over $2000 worth of custom suits. They were all there when I got to my car. They looked at my $200 sunglasses and were like NAH and threw them on the seat. That was a little insulting. My sunglasses weren't good enough for a thief?? Whatever. Here's what they did take. They took my GPS. My GPS was under my passenger seat. It was under my passenger seat because it was broken. I literally took it out from under the seat the day before to throw it out, but I thought I might as well wait til I clean out my whole car and I put it back under the seat. So they took that. What really pissed me off was that they took my $6 cassette adapter for my iPod. Why the fuck would they take that?? What's the fucking street value of a cassette adapter?? Like I said, people are stupid.
Why would they make cranberry juice cocktail? All it is is sugar. They might as well call it cranberry drink.
On Bill Maher, some Republican strategist dusted off the old health care reform talking point, "We were never allowed at the negotiating table." Here's the thing with that. They were, but they weren't really there honestly. They would bring up amendments to add to the health care bill like "NO VIAGRA FOR SEX OFFENDERS" and stupid things like that. It really didn't matter because they would have voted against it anyway. The entire healthcare bill could have been "THE NO VIAGRA FOR SEX OFFENDERS ACT OF 2010" and every Republican would have voted against it saying that "liberty would be infringed on people not allowing a certain demographic of people something they should have a right to." Wow, I should be a Republican strategist.
I was talking to a friend of mine at the club about propaganda. He said "Elementary school is the biggest form of propaganda in the country." I then realized he was right. I mean, you have to say the Pledge of Allegiance EVERY DAY!!! It stays in your mind forever. That's just wrong. They've been doing that long before they had kids sings songs about Barak Obama. Just saying...
Alex said about my last weeks blog, "It was terrible." I said no it wasn't. And he goes, " It wasn't terrible...but it wasn't good." Hmmm...Fuck you dude.
Sorry it was late. It's probably gonna happen again sooner so sorry in advance.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)