My Complaints 4/21/11

Here we go again...

On Saturday night it got let's say... interesting at the club. It being a full moon, that seemed to bring out the dummies that wanted to go crazy. Everyone in the club seemed to drink WAY too much. You could see it on their slumped sucked in faces. Then, it happened. This girl who couldn't have been more than 80 lbs, exploded with projectile vomit that shot from the DJ booth to the bar, which is about 50 feet. The vomit must have gotten on at least 20 people on the dance floor. Then it turned into the pie eating scene from Stand By Me. Everyone started puking. EVERYONE. They were lined up 10 deep on each side of the street. I came so close to puking myself. Needless to say: interesting.

I have this new mind numbingly boring job where I have to sit in a lobby and...thats it. I don't do anything else. Just sit. All day. Except between 4:30 and 6 when I have to get up and say, "Have a good night!" and smile at everyone who's leaving. A few people tell me "Have a good night" back, but most people just ignore me and walk away. I decided to have some fun with that. I would say "Have a good night," and whoever ignored me (which was mostly everyone) I would say "or not" under my breath. Not even really under my breath, but not totally loud. I definitely started smiling more after that. Then I thought to myself, "I wonder if instead of saying 'Have a good night,' I say 'Go Fuck Yourself ' would I still be ignored?" Don't ask me how I know this, but YES.

My shitty new job also involves me working in the parking garage. Freezing my ass off for hours isn't fun at all. The only good thing about it is that you're allowed to use the radio when you're in there. I was listening to the radio when "How You Remind Me" by Nickelback started playing. Then the batteries mysteriously died at that exact moment. I'm pretty sure the batteries committed suicide to not have to suffer by playing Nickelback anymore.

I've been getting sick pretty easily recently. All I have to do is go outside on a cold day and I get a sore throat or a cough. Also, after 25 years of life, I've developed allergies. I guess I'm some sickly nerd now. What I want to know is, at what point did I become Macaulay Culkin from My Girl?? I guess I need to stay as far away from beehives now more than ever.

I don't know why scientists or psychologists would waste their time with pointless studies. Recently there was a study that asked whether or not the number one trait a woman looks for in a man is a sense of humor. I've known that was bullshit my ENTIRE LIFE!!! All they had to do was ask me. I've said for years, "You show me a girl who says what she wants from a guy is a sense of humor, and I'll show you a liar."

I know it's a day late...it didn't really make it better than it normally is...deal with it.