cWow, three weeks in a row!!! Hopefully I can keep up this blistering pace for a full month.
I used to work with this girl. Everyday she would say to me "I like your tie." Now the words were, "I like your tie," but what I heard was, "I want you inside me." That's what I heard. Obvious selective hearing, but I wasn't into it though. She was Precious before Precious was Precious. Not really what I go for.
Why has Law and Order: SVU become the new Lifetime movie? Every episode is the same now. Some girl got raped 20 years ago, she becomes a drug addict, she cleans herself up, Marisa Hargitay finds the rapist and and the victim kills her rapist at the end of the episode. EVERYONE IS THE SAME. It's so annoying. I'm all for twist suprise endings on a show, but when it's the same every week, it's not a twist, it's a straight line. Since I'm watching later tonight, I guess it doesn't matter, does it?
You think after two weeks, Nickelback wouldn't suck anymore. You'd be WRONG!!!
Why would anyone put fake plastic testicles on the back of their trucks? I seriously don't get it. Who goes into a store and thinks to themselves, "Hmmm, a giant plastic nut sack that hangs from my trailer hitch. I MUST HAVE IT!!!!" Does that mean the truck owner "has balls?" What's next, a plastic vagina that hangs from the trailer hitch of a Volkswagon Jetta to show the owner of that car is a pussy?
I just found out that the color coded threat level is going away by April. How am I supposed to know how scared I'm supposed to be for that day? That's a scary thought by itself!
I just got done watching the State of the Union. I liked how John McCain and John Kerry were sitting together. I wonder what they were talking about. It probably went like: John Kerry," That's not how I'd have done it. What about you John?" John McCain, "GET OFF MY LAWN HIPPIE!!!!!"
The other night at work, I was kicking everyone out, when this drunken hot mess ran into me. She was pretty hot though, I'll be honest. Then she then looked me up and down and said to me, "Hey, I like your tie." IT'S A WRAP BABY!!!
After I wrote my first complaint, Alex laughed so hard he fell out of his computer chair and farted at the same time. The second week, he laughed until he turned red and couldn't breathe for about 30 seconds. I definitely liked the first reaction better, if only for the safety of the reader. I don't want anyone to die from reading this, but if you shit your pants, that's alright by me.
I'm thinking about making this a legit blog. Is that a good idea? Let me know.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
My complaints 1/19/11 by Tony Caraballo on Wednesday, January 19, 2011 at 7:28pm
Another week. Another list of complaints.
I got an early start this time as to not forget what I wanted to say. On Wednesday, I wrote "In Arizona, cops are allowed to ask for your papers depending on what you look like. After seeing the mugshot of the guy who did the shooting on Saturday, you'd think someone would have asked for HIS PAPERS!!!" On Friday, I was watching Real Time w/ Bill Maher, and I'll be damned if he didn't say the exact same joke. Now my question is: Why don't I have a job on the writing staff of Real Time w/ Bill Maher??? I can come up with that stuff.
Anyone else glad that the bum with the great radio voice has gone away? If there's no way you can profit from something, why is it necessary? Which is why Oprah didn't interview him. She left that for Dr. Phil.
I had to do groom check this dual meet. To check the kids nails, I grab their hands to see if their nails are too long. This kid just forgot to tell me that on both his hands his middle and ring fingers were fused together into one mass of a finger. I don't think it was good for his self esteem when I started dry heaving when I grabbed his nails. I bet he's really popular with the ladies at his school though.
Whoever got gum on my jacket that I just got back from the dry cleaners, FUCK YOU!!!
Jennifer Hudson needs so put some weight back on. What happens when big people lose to much weight to fast, such as Hudson, they develop what I like to call a neck vagina. The center of their throat sinks in and the skin from the side of their neck makes these flaps, or lips, whatever you like. It's never good, and it cant go away by going to the gym. Neck Vagina. Its going to be in medical journals pretty soon. Set a Google alert for it.
This just in...Nickelback STILL SUCKS!!!
So many douchebags go to Fahrenheit every week. I CAN'T STAND DOUCHEBAGS!!! To me the douchebag is one of the lowest forms of humanity. Douchebags are right up there with Nazis and Republicans. This guy who keeps coming to the club has a foot long faux hawk, wears a vest with a wife beater, and gropes every chick in the place. I've kicked him out so many times, and he's still allowed back in cuz he drops like $500 a night. He'd be better off dropping that on hookers. At least he wouldn't be bothering me. Douche!
Daydreaming is dangerous. If you're not paying attention, you will walk face first in a sliding glass door and smash you're balls on a chair. Trust me.
Sarah Palin said that she used the term "blood libel" in that ridiculous response video she made even though "No one told her what it meant." You know she gets a lot of shit for being stupid, but I feel bad for her sometimes. I mean her baby is smarter than her. You need to feel some sympathy for that. That's wrong on so many levels, I know.
But seriously, I saw pretty much the worst thing I've ever seen Sunday night. I was driving home when this frantic guy waved me down asking for my help. I see that he had swerved off the street and his car was smashed into a wall. I then see a guy on the hood who had apparently been hit by this guy who drove off the road. He was wearing really old, dirty clothes. He was obviously homeless. I parked my car and ran over to the guy on the hood. I asked, "Are you ok!" With a very raspy whisper, all he could get out was "Help me. Help me." I looked at him for a second then said, "I'm sorry but you don't have a great radio voice," then I got back in my car and drove away. What a waste of my time.
I'm pretty sure I'm going to hell after that. Aw well.
Just like last week, I'd really appreciate some feedback. Let me know what you think people. If you took your time to read it, I'll take my time to read your critique.
I got an early start this time as to not forget what I wanted to say. On Wednesday, I wrote "In Arizona, cops are allowed to ask for your papers depending on what you look like. After seeing the mugshot of the guy who did the shooting on Saturday, you'd think someone would have asked for HIS PAPERS!!!" On Friday, I was watching Real Time w/ Bill Maher, and I'll be damned if he didn't say the exact same joke. Now my question is: Why don't I have a job on the writing staff of Real Time w/ Bill Maher??? I can come up with that stuff.
Anyone else glad that the bum with the great radio voice has gone away? If there's no way you can profit from something, why is it necessary? Which is why Oprah didn't interview him. She left that for Dr. Phil.
I had to do groom check this dual meet. To check the kids nails, I grab their hands to see if their nails are too long. This kid just forgot to tell me that on both his hands his middle and ring fingers were fused together into one mass of a finger. I don't think it was good for his self esteem when I started dry heaving when I grabbed his nails. I bet he's really popular with the ladies at his school though.
Whoever got gum on my jacket that I just got back from the dry cleaners, FUCK YOU!!!
Jennifer Hudson needs so put some weight back on. What happens when big people lose to much weight to fast, such as Hudson, they develop what I like to call a neck vagina. The center of their throat sinks in and the skin from the side of their neck makes these flaps, or lips, whatever you like. It's never good, and it cant go away by going to the gym. Neck Vagina. Its going to be in medical journals pretty soon. Set a Google alert for it.
This just in...Nickelback STILL SUCKS!!!
So many douchebags go to Fahrenheit every week. I CAN'T STAND DOUCHEBAGS!!! To me the douchebag is one of the lowest forms of humanity. Douchebags are right up there with Nazis and Republicans. This guy who keeps coming to the club has a foot long faux hawk, wears a vest with a wife beater, and gropes every chick in the place. I've kicked him out so many times, and he's still allowed back in cuz he drops like $500 a night. He'd be better off dropping that on hookers. At least he wouldn't be bothering me. Douche!
Daydreaming is dangerous. If you're not paying attention, you will walk face first in a sliding glass door and smash you're balls on a chair. Trust me.
Sarah Palin said that she used the term "blood libel" in that ridiculous response video she made even though "No one told her what it meant." You know she gets a lot of shit for being stupid, but I feel bad for her sometimes. I mean her baby is smarter than her. You need to feel some sympathy for that. That's wrong on so many levels, I know.
But seriously, I saw pretty much the worst thing I've ever seen Sunday night. I was driving home when this frantic guy waved me down asking for my help. I see that he had swerved off the street and his car was smashed into a wall. I then see a guy on the hood who had apparently been hit by this guy who drove off the road. He was wearing really old, dirty clothes. He was obviously homeless. I parked my car and ran over to the guy on the hood. I asked, "Are you ok!" With a very raspy whisper, all he could get out was "Help me. Help me." I looked at him for a second then said, "I'm sorry but you don't have a great radio voice," then I got back in my car and drove away. What a waste of my time.
I'm pretty sure I'm going to hell after that. Aw well.
Just like last week, I'd really appreciate some feedback. Let me know what you think people. If you took your time to read it, I'll take my time to read your critique.
My complaints 1/12/11 by Tony Caraballo on Wednesday, January 12, 2011 at 8:16pm
I guess its time I get started on this. I really don't know where to start though. I'm really just going to start typing, and hopefully whatever comes out doesn't seem like drivel I know already there aren't going to be any kind of segways at all. OK here we go.
I went to Concord to reff a dual meet. For those of you who don't know about wrestling, a full dual meet would have 14 JV matches and 14 varsity matches. This dual meet had 2 JV and 4 Varsity matches. That should be a cakewalk, right? NOT! First of all, all the matches dragged on and on because they sucked. Then the last match comes up. The coach get up and says "He has a beard." When I did groom check for the teams, no one had any facial hair at all, because its not allowed. The "kid" who the coach said had a beard was 6'5" and not only had a beard, but his beard was a mix between a lumberjack and Jesus. When I saw him walking around, I thought he was someone's dad. For all I know, he is someone's dad, or was held back HELLA TIMES. His beard was so long, that when I told him the beard had to go, he could CUT IT WITH SCISSORS!!!!! Anyway, his brother was a coach and a major douche bag. His other brother won a state title, so they knew better. They didn't have this kid in line for groom check because they knew there would be trouble. I would have noticed Paul Bunyun if he was there. SO I disqualified the kid and I got booed outta the gym. Way to stay classy, Concord High!
Have you ever shit so much you started sweating? OK. Have you ever shit so much and started sweating while at your work? No? well never mind then.
Al, Alysse and I took Brooklyn to see Tangled the other day. She wanted to get a snack and she says "I know I had my cookies, but its OK because there are snacks downstairs," because she knew our theater was right next to the snack bar. That girl is too much. I went down and got a drink and a box of Skittles. I had no intention of sharing them because a drink and a box of Skittles cost almost $10. I was eating each Skittle one at a time and savoring each one like they were miniature fruit flavored Fillet Mignons. Brooklyn heard me eating them and I had to give her some. BULLSHIT!!!
Whoever gave Kim Kardashian a record deal FUCK YOU!!!!!!! Enough said on that.
If there was ever a cruel irony of nature, it's giving someone more hair on their back then there is on their head. Oh but don't worry, if that happens, you can pay someone $50 to put scalding hot wax on your back and rip the hair from your flesh 40 Year Old Virgin style.
Nickelback SUCKS!!!! Enough said on that.
About a year ago, Amanda gave me shit about using my Ipod to write comments because she thought it was an Iphone. She said "A facebook and an Iphone, you hipster you". Well since I'm definately getting Verizon Iphone on Feb. 10, on Feb. 11, I'm getting some plastic rimmed glasses, a striped zip up hoodie, and I have an appointment to get hockey puck size plugs put it my earlobes. That's all in the new contract. Look it up.
Well I think I'm done. Please comment and give me suggestions on how I could make it better. I'm looking to give this thing a title. I'm thinking "Are you fucking kidding me?" but I'm open to suggestions.
I went to Concord to reff a dual meet. For those of you who don't know about wrestling, a full dual meet would have 14 JV matches and 14 varsity matches. This dual meet had 2 JV and 4 Varsity matches. That should be a cakewalk, right? NOT! First of all, all the matches dragged on and on because they sucked. Then the last match comes up. The coach get up and says "He has a beard." When I did groom check for the teams, no one had any facial hair at all, because its not allowed. The "kid" who the coach said had a beard was 6'5" and not only had a beard, but his beard was a mix between a lumberjack and Jesus. When I saw him walking around, I thought he was someone's dad. For all I know, he is someone's dad, or was held back HELLA TIMES. His beard was so long, that when I told him the beard had to go, he could CUT IT WITH SCISSORS!!!!! Anyway, his brother was a coach and a major douche bag. His other brother won a state title, so they knew better. They didn't have this kid in line for groom check because they knew there would be trouble. I would have noticed Paul Bunyun if he was there. SO I disqualified the kid and I got booed outta the gym. Way to stay classy, Concord High!
Have you ever shit so much you started sweating? OK. Have you ever shit so much and started sweating while at your work? No? well never mind then.
Al, Alysse and I took Brooklyn to see Tangled the other day. She wanted to get a snack and she says "I know I had my cookies, but its OK because there are snacks downstairs," because she knew our theater was right next to the snack bar. That girl is too much. I went down and got a drink and a box of Skittles. I had no intention of sharing them because a drink and a box of Skittles cost almost $10. I was eating each Skittle one at a time and savoring each one like they were miniature fruit flavored Fillet Mignons. Brooklyn heard me eating them and I had to give her some. BULLSHIT!!!
Whoever gave Kim Kardashian a record deal FUCK YOU!!!!!!! Enough said on that.
If there was ever a cruel irony of nature, it's giving someone more hair on their back then there is on their head. Oh but don't worry, if that happens, you can pay someone $50 to put scalding hot wax on your back and rip the hair from your flesh 40 Year Old Virgin style.
Nickelback SUCKS!!!! Enough said on that.
About a year ago, Amanda gave me shit about using my Ipod to write comments because she thought it was an Iphone. She said "A facebook and an Iphone, you hipster you". Well since I'm definately getting Verizon Iphone on Feb. 10, on Feb. 11, I'm getting some plastic rimmed glasses, a striped zip up hoodie, and I have an appointment to get hockey puck size plugs put it my earlobes. That's all in the new contract. Look it up.
Well I think I'm done. Please comment and give me suggestions on how I could make it better. I'm looking to give this thing a title. I'm thinking "Are you fucking kidding me?" but I'm open to suggestions.
My new thing I'm going to do by Tony Caraballo on Tuesday, January 4, 2011 at 11:55pm
I've noticed a lot of complaining recently about one thing or another on here. For some reason, whenever someone complains about something, I always end up laughing. I also end up laughing whenever I complain about something. I think how can something so stupid, whatever it is, bother me like that. So what I've decided (basically for my own amusement and since I have nothing better to do) is that once a week, I'm going to come on here and complain about whatever bothered me that week. Hopefully it will make people laugh and put some things into perspective for people(really I'm going for laughs). If anyone has something they want to complain about but want to be anonymous for whatever reason, just message me and I'll complain for you. Hopefully pretty soon I'll find some better way to use my time and wont have to do this very long(Oh look I've already started lol) but until then this should be fun.
My Complaints have come to blogger
So I've moved My Complaints from a Facebook note to blogger. Just like how it is on Facebook, I'd appreciate comments and any kind of critique. Just let me know what you think. Also, if you like my complaints that week, please share it on your page. I'd really appreciate it. I'm going to have my old notes on here too because now I have an archive. It really doesn't matter that it's just four things. Anyway, I hope you enjoy.
Thanks a lot!
Thanks a lot!
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