My Complaints 1/26/11 by Tony Caraballo on Wednesday, January 26, 2011 at 7:00pm

cWow, three weeks in a row!!! Hopefully I can keep up this blistering pace for a full month.
I used to work with this girl. Everyday she would say to me "I like your tie." Now the words were, "I like your tie," but what I heard was, "I want you inside me." That's what I heard. Obvious selective hearing, but I wasn't into it though. She was Precious before Precious was Precious. Not really what I go for.
Why has Law and Order: SVU become the new Lifetime movie? Every episode is the same now. Some girl got raped 20 years ago, she becomes a drug addict, she cleans herself up, Marisa Hargitay finds the rapist and and the victim kills her rapist at the end of the episode. EVERYONE IS THE SAME. It's so annoying. I'm all for twist suprise endings on a show, but when it's the same every week, it's not a twist, it's a straight line. Since I'm watching later tonight, I guess it doesn't matter, does it?
You think after two weeks, Nickelback wouldn't suck anymore. You'd be WRONG!!!
Why would anyone put fake plastic testicles on the back of their trucks? I seriously don't get it. Who goes into a store and thinks to themselves, "Hmmm, a giant plastic nut sack that hangs from my trailer hitch. I MUST HAVE IT!!!!" Does that mean the truck owner "has balls?" What's next, a plastic vagina that hangs from the trailer hitch of a Volkswagon Jetta to show the owner of that car is a pussy?
I just found out that the color coded threat level is going away by April. How am I supposed to know how scared I'm supposed to be for that day? That's a scary thought by itself!
I just got done watching the State of the Union. I liked how John McCain and John Kerry were sitting together. I wonder what they were talking about. It probably went like: John Kerry," That's not how I'd have done it. What about you John?" John McCain, "GET OFF MY LAWN HIPPIE!!!!!"
The other night at work, I was kicking everyone out, when this drunken hot mess ran into me. She was pretty hot though, I'll be honest. Then she then looked me up and down and said to me, "Hey, I like your tie." IT'S A WRAP BABY!!!
After I wrote my first complaint, Alex laughed so hard he fell out of his computer chair and farted at the same time. The second week, he laughed until he turned red and couldn't breathe for about 30 seconds. I definitely liked the first reaction better, if only for the safety of the reader. I don't want anyone to die from reading this, but if you shit your pants, that's alright by me.
I'm thinking about making this a legit blog. Is that a good idea? Let me know.