This one is pretty short. Hope it's enjoyable to everyone.
Everything that's going on in Wisconsin is bullshit. What a buzz kill from the Superbowl. To have all your benefits taken away after your Packers won, wow. This is what happens when you vote Republican. Once something good happens in your community, they come in and screw it up. I really hope the Governor of Wisconsin doesn't need a police officer, a fire fighter, his garbage picked up, his streets plowed after it snows, his kids taught, to drive on any street, or use electricity the entire time he's Governor. Those are union things and are "costing the taxpayers."
Ladies: if you tell somebody you know is a creep that at some point you had a crush on them, you must accept the consequences. Non stop texts. Occasional late night drive by ogling. Dead animals wrapped as gifts. You brought it on yourself.
This guy wasn't allowed in the club because he was wearing a hat. He then mumbled something to himself and started laughing. He obviously insulted us,but what he didn't realize was that I don't speak douchebag...I take that back. I'm alright with conversational douche, but when it gets to fluent douche, I can't keep up. So insult FAIL on hat wearing douchebag.
In order to do my recent hipster photo shoot, I knew of only one store to get my "costume". Target. Target is Hipster Mecca. They worship there. I walked into the men's section, and they had a massive display of fedoras as far as the eye can see. Zip up hoodies on the same hanger as knit plad shirts ready to go. Ridiculous sunglasses all over the entire store. Even the ads have hipsters in them. Speaking of which, there was this hipster couple at my club last night. They both looked homeless, but I know their outfits cost like $200 each, except for the glasses they were wearing. Or should I say sharing, because they were handing them back and forth to each other all night. I guess they spent all their money on their outfits and could only afford one pair.
I saw a taco truck with past due registration. I wonder how many more tacos they have to sell to pay the late charges.
Dragon voice recognition for iPhone is pretty brutal. If you say "who is next" it will type "Mucinex" and since I don't have allergies, that doesn't help me. You have to say period for a (.) to be typed, so you can't say anything like "Thats the way it is period", because it will just type "That's the way it is." To do emoticons, you have to say semicolon right parenthesis to get a wink ;). It definitely takes all emotion away when you have to say "I can't wait to see you exclamation point colon right parenthesis" to get "I can't wait to see you ! :)"
Thanks for not telling me that I've been putting 2010 on the date for every post I've made so far. Good looking out everyone. Where were you at, fans?? I didn't notice and neither did you. How could we be so oblivious?
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Thursday, February 17, 2011
My Complaints: Special Edition
So, I was asked to be in a Matt Damon movie that was shooting in the city. This was going to be the coolest thing ever...So I thought.
First of all, I woke up at 2 in the morning and couldn't fall back to sleep. So I waited two hours before I left. I ended up getting to Candlestick like a half hour early. They staged us in this giant tent. Then it started pouring rain. You think being in a tent would keep us dry. Nope. This flood washed right through the tent like Katrina part 2. I sat at this table with these like 18 year old kids who kept calling movies they've seen films. Anyone who calls movies films are either British or douchebags and I didn't hear any accents.
So, at about nine o'clock, four hours after I got there, we finally stand up and they have us walk around the building, but the cut off just happen to be about three people in front of me in line. I was in the middle line so they had us all go back. At that time they had brought out snacks. I couldn't get any snacks because, first of all, I was in line, and when the snacks came out people had already gone to the boxes and started ripping them apart and rummaging through them like jackals or hyenas ripping apart a carcass.
So at one o'clock, another four hours after we were first allowed to get up, we lined up outside the stadium. People that were there at 5:30 obviously were allowed to be first in line. We stood there outside of the building for about half an hour. At that point, it started to rain. That's when they decided to let us inside the building. They had a sit in three separate sections of the stands. Our section being first,the middle part of the line being second, and the end of line being third. So when it was time to bring up people, do you think our section was first. Hell no our section wasn't first. The end of the line was first, and then the middle of the line, and then our section wasn't even allowed to go down. They said there were too many people. On the field, there were Blackhawk helicopters and Hummers and stuff. It would have been cool to see that stuff up close. Not yet though.
So then we waited in the stands for another two hours. At that point they said us being in the stands was bad because we were in the shot, so we had to get up and lineup outside. We were outside under an overhang for an hour. At that point the guy standing next to me started bouncing up and down. bouncing and bouncing and bouncing and bouncing. There was a girl standing in front of him I'm assuming what's his girlfriend. At that point he started sniffing his girlfriend hard quick sniffs like a pig looking for truffles. Now this is the most annoying thing I've ever seen in my life. So you're starving and you're exhausted and you see the most annoying thing you've ever seen in your life, annoyance turns into pure rage and I wanted to throw this guy over the side of the building. I didn't because I assumed me doing that would cause me not to be in the movie.
After standing outside for an hour they say oh we have to go back to the tent for lunch. Are you kidding me. I've been there for 11 hours doing nothing, getting pissed off, and how it's time for lunch? So we go back to the tents and the second we get back to the tents they get on loudspeaker and say we were done shooting for the day. After all that I don't even get in the movie. What a waste of my life.
I must be a gluten for punished because I'm joining this thing that the douchebags at my table told me about that gets them in movies all the time. I really hope it isn't like that again, but my luck it will be that way every time. So there you go. That was my movie experience.
I don't want this blog to take away the thunder of my other blog this week, so if you haven't read my other one for this week, please go back and read it. That one was more funny. This one is definite complaint though. I also tried writing this using Dragon Voice Recognition software. You'll read all about that next week.
First of all, I woke up at 2 in the morning and couldn't fall back to sleep. So I waited two hours before I left. I ended up getting to Candlestick like a half hour early. They staged us in this giant tent. Then it started pouring rain. You think being in a tent would keep us dry. Nope. This flood washed right through the tent like Katrina part 2. I sat at this table with these like 18 year old kids who kept calling movies they've seen films. Anyone who calls movies films are either British or douchebags and I didn't hear any accents.
So, at about nine o'clock, four hours after I got there, we finally stand up and they have us walk around the building, but the cut off just happen to be about three people in front of me in line. I was in the middle line so they had us all go back. At that time they had brought out snacks. I couldn't get any snacks because, first of all, I was in line, and when the snacks came out people had already gone to the boxes and started ripping them apart and rummaging through them like jackals or hyenas ripping apart a carcass.
So at one o'clock, another four hours after we were first allowed to get up, we lined up outside the stadium. People that were there at 5:30 obviously were allowed to be first in line. We stood there outside of the building for about half an hour. At that point, it started to rain. That's when they decided to let us inside the building. They had a sit in three separate sections of the stands. Our section being first,the middle part of the line being second, and the end of line being third. So when it was time to bring up people, do you think our section was first. Hell no our section wasn't first. The end of the line was first, and then the middle of the line, and then our section wasn't even allowed to go down. They said there were too many people. On the field, there were Blackhawk helicopters and Hummers and stuff. It would have been cool to see that stuff up close. Not yet though.
So then we waited in the stands for another two hours. At that point they said us being in the stands was bad because we were in the shot, so we had to get up and lineup outside. We were outside under an overhang for an hour. At that point the guy standing next to me started bouncing up and down. bouncing and bouncing and bouncing and bouncing. There was a girl standing in front of him I'm assuming what's his girlfriend. At that point he started sniffing his girlfriend hard quick sniffs like a pig looking for truffles. Now this is the most annoying thing I've ever seen in my life. So you're starving and you're exhausted and you see the most annoying thing you've ever seen in your life, annoyance turns into pure rage and I wanted to throw this guy over the side of the building. I didn't because I assumed me doing that would cause me not to be in the movie.
After standing outside for an hour they say oh we have to go back to the tent for lunch. Are you kidding me. I've been there for 11 hours doing nothing, getting pissed off, and how it's time for lunch? So we go back to the tents and the second we get back to the tents they get on loudspeaker and say we were done shooting for the day. After all that I don't even get in the movie. What a waste of my life.
I must be a gluten for punished because I'm joining this thing that the douchebags at my table told me about that gets them in movies all the time. I really hope it isn't like that again, but my luck it will be that way every time. So there you go. That was my movie experience.
I don't want this blog to take away the thunder of my other blog this week, so if you haven't read my other one for this week, please go back and read it. That one was more funny. This one is definite complaint though. I also tried writing this using Dragon Voice Recognition software. You'll read all about that next week.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
My Complaints 2/16/11
I think I need a Parental Advisory Label this week.
I missed the Jeopardy test AGAIN!!! I can't believe it. I want to be on that show so bad, but I don't know if I want to be on the regular version or on the college tournament. If I was going to be in the college tournament, then I'd have to sign up for a full load at Chabot. It would be so awesome to whoop someone's ass from Harvard or somewhere while wearing a Chabot College sweatshirt. I'd be like, "SUCK ON THAT FUTURE BOSS!!! COMMUNITY COLLEGE!!!"
My niece is hilarious. The first thing Brooklyn said was, "Alex, come smell my poop. It smells really BAD" The next thing she said was "Alex, you didn't do a good job wiping my butt. It itches!!!" What is going on in my house?
Activision says they're not going to make Guitar Hero games anymore. With them not making Guitar Hero anymore, there are now millions of Guitar Apprentices and Guitar Squires won't be able to fulfill their Guitar Destinies.
For my cousin's birthday, my mom asks me, "Can you drive us to the restaurant?" I said ok and she says, "Good. Then I can drink." AWKWARD!!!
Every time Facebook makes some kind of change, it fucking sucks. What is with this new picture thing? Why is there an unnecessary black box around each picture? It doesn't make anything look better. I know black is slimming, but fat people are still gonna look fat with a black box around their picture. It's retarded and it needs to go immediately.
Republicans make such a big deal about protecting our borders. They really should just say, "Keep the Mexicans away from us!" It's the southern border they want protection from. Don't they get that the worst thing to ever happen to America happened because the northern, not the southern border was left unwatched. We didn't see it coming; reports were ignored and the biggest tragedy in American history happened because we ignored Canada. I'm of course talking about Justin Bieber. He just walked in like he owned the place. He's trying to take over, and HE MUST BE STOPPED!!!
Just because a computer is left up doesn't mean whatever's there is up for grabs. Writing "I LIKE COCK!" or whatever on someone's status update isn't funny, it's retarded. If a blog is up, that doesn't mean read it, ALEX I'M TALKING TO YOU!
Ever since I developed decent credit, I've been getting credit applications all the time. The other day I got one that was completely in Spanish. I was Pre-Calificado so that's bueno, I guess.
Valentine's Day was Monday. There were a lot of people celebrating Valentine's this weekend at the club. Guys out there, you don't need to walk around with a firm grip on your girls' ass all night. We get it, she's yours. Whatever; she's not that hot anyway. Girls, just because you fucked some guy doesn't make him your boyfriend. You need to fuck him at least three times for that. So don't get mad when they look at some other girl.
Continuing on the Valentine's theme, Valentine's Day a couple years ago was very memorable for me. I was going out with this girl from my work, and we'd been going out for a while. We went out on Valentine's Day and she took that moment to tell me that she wanted to "enjoy being single". I must say work was a little awkward after that, especially a couple days after Valentine's Day when she came to work covered with hickeys (that I didn't give her). I guess that's what she meant when she said she wanted to "enjoy being single".
*I'm just kidding. That didn't happen on Valentine's Day. That happened on my birthday. I was saving that little gem of a story for my birthday blog, but I thought it was needed here.
SPECIAL EDITION IS COMING TOMORROW. BE EXCITED!
I missed the Jeopardy test AGAIN!!! I can't believe it. I want to be on that show so bad, but I don't know if I want to be on the regular version or on the college tournament. If I was going to be in the college tournament, then I'd have to sign up for a full load at Chabot. It would be so awesome to whoop someone's ass from Harvard or somewhere while wearing a Chabot College sweatshirt. I'd be like, "SUCK ON THAT FUTURE BOSS!!! COMMUNITY COLLEGE!!!"
My niece is hilarious. The first thing Brooklyn said was, "Alex, come smell my poop. It smells really BAD" The next thing she said was "Alex, you didn't do a good job wiping my butt. It itches!!!" What is going on in my house?
Activision says they're not going to make Guitar Hero games anymore. With them not making Guitar Hero anymore, there are now millions of Guitar Apprentices and Guitar Squires won't be able to fulfill their Guitar Destinies.
For my cousin's birthday, my mom asks me, "Can you drive us to the restaurant?" I said ok and she says, "Good. Then I can drink." AWKWARD!!!
Every time Facebook makes some kind of change, it fucking sucks. What is with this new picture thing? Why is there an unnecessary black box around each picture? It doesn't make anything look better. I know black is slimming, but fat people are still gonna look fat with a black box around their picture. It's retarded and it needs to go immediately.
Republicans make such a big deal about protecting our borders. They really should just say, "Keep the Mexicans away from us!" It's the southern border they want protection from. Don't they get that the worst thing to ever happen to America happened because the northern, not the southern border was left unwatched. We didn't see it coming; reports were ignored and the biggest tragedy in American history happened because we ignored Canada. I'm of course talking about Justin Bieber. He just walked in like he owned the place. He's trying to take over, and HE MUST BE STOPPED!!!
Just because a computer is left up doesn't mean whatever's there is up for grabs. Writing "I LIKE COCK!" or whatever on someone's status update isn't funny, it's retarded. If a blog is up, that doesn't mean read it, ALEX I'M TALKING TO YOU!
Ever since I developed decent credit, I've been getting credit applications all the time. The other day I got one that was completely in Spanish. I was Pre-Calificado so that's bueno, I guess.
Valentine's Day was Monday. There were a lot of people celebrating Valentine's this weekend at the club. Guys out there, you don't need to walk around with a firm grip on your girls' ass all night. We get it, she's yours. Whatever; she's not that hot anyway. Girls, just because you fucked some guy doesn't make him your boyfriend. You need to fuck him at least three times for that. So don't get mad when they look at some other girl.
Continuing on the Valentine's theme, Valentine's Day a couple years ago was very memorable for me. I was going out with this girl from my work, and we'd been going out for a while. We went out on Valentine's Day and she took that moment to tell me that she wanted to "enjoy being single". I must say work was a little awkward after that, especially a couple days after Valentine's Day when she came to work covered with hickeys (that I didn't give her). I guess that's what she meant when she said she wanted to "enjoy being single".
*I'm just kidding. That didn't happen on Valentine's Day. That happened on my birthday. I was saving that little gem of a story for my birthday blog, but I thought it was needed here.
SPECIAL EDITION IS COMING TOMORROW. BE EXCITED!
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
My Complaints 2/9/11
Here we go again. What's bothering me this week?
Michael Oher just wrote a book about him being taken in by a white family. I guess he didn't see The Blind Side because that story has already been told. He needs to get with the times. That's for Alex.
The Valentine's Day Love Song special on Itunes is out. Each love song cost $0.69. Coincidence? I think not.
I hate jobs where you have to wear a name tag. Every name tag job I've ever had, whenever anyone says to me, "How's it going...TONY?", I felt this strange urge to punch that person in the face. The name tag I have to wear at the club has one fatal flaw. My name is written in small thin letters directly under the word STAFF in giant bold letters. So when drunken douchebags come up to me and say, "How's it going...STAFF?" like they're the most clever, funniest person in the club, that strange urge turns into an overwhelming desire to punch that person in the face. Don't worry Dad, I'll never do that, I just kinda want to.
If you didn't know, Charlie Sheen is a massive hot mess!!! I dont get how can our society reward these messed up people. Look at Amy Winehouse. They tried to make her go to rehab. She said, "NO NO NO, I won't GO GO GO," and what happened? She got like 10 Grammy's. Charlie Sheen locks a hooker in a bathroom, does a briefcase load of coke with 5 porn stars, and he is still gonna get $2Million an episode for Two and a Half Men. They need to take a lesson from Robert Downey Jr. A massive cokehead loser, he went to prison, cleaned himself up, and now look at him. He's Ironman; that makes him invincible.
My 4 year old niece Brooklyn cannot grasp the concept that my 24 year old brother is an adult. She goes up to my mom and goes, "Mimi, can I speak to you in private?" They go into the living room and she says, "Mimi, Alex just said FART! He's supposed to say TOOT! You need to put him on time out right now!" That kid is too much.
I had forgotten that Ben Roetheisberger was suspended for the first 4 games of the year. I guess alleged rape does warrant some kind of punishment, but 4 games and getting figuratively raped in the Super Bowl does seem a little excessive.
An hour after eating a half dozen egg rolls and a half dozen ribs, I thought to myself "Is is too late to purge??" It was.
I let my Nana read my blogs. First thing she said was "So you got in a big fight with a guy and he got blood on your jacket?" I said "I wrote that I flipped my pinkie up and a guy exploded. That really didn't happen. That's impossible." The second thing she said was, "I can't believe you said fucking that much. I didn't know you could say fucking on the internet." Wow I really hope I don't get old.
I had to work last night at the club. Tuesday night is karaoke night. Two people sang two separate Nickelback songs and I wanted to kill myself. I thought Nickelback sucks, but Nickelback karaoke might be the worst thing ever. I guess I'm not making an impact.
I now realize there isn't much actual complaining here, but does that really matter?
Like always, let me know what you think.
Michael Oher just wrote a book about him being taken in by a white family. I guess he didn't see The Blind Side because that story has already been told. He needs to get with the times. That's for Alex.
The Valentine's Day Love Song special on Itunes is out. Each love song cost $0.69. Coincidence? I think not.
I hate jobs where you have to wear a name tag. Every name tag job I've ever had, whenever anyone says to me, "How's it going...TONY?", I felt this strange urge to punch that person in the face. The name tag I have to wear at the club has one fatal flaw. My name is written in small thin letters directly under the word STAFF in giant bold letters. So when drunken douchebags come up to me and say, "How's it going...STAFF?" like they're the most clever, funniest person in the club, that strange urge turns into an overwhelming desire to punch that person in the face. Don't worry Dad, I'll never do that, I just kinda want to.
If you didn't know, Charlie Sheen is a massive hot mess!!! I dont get how can our society reward these messed up people. Look at Amy Winehouse. They tried to make her go to rehab. She said, "NO NO NO, I won't GO GO GO," and what happened? She got like 10 Grammy's. Charlie Sheen locks a hooker in a bathroom, does a briefcase load of coke with 5 porn stars, and he is still gonna get $2Million an episode for Two and a Half Men. They need to take a lesson from Robert Downey Jr. A massive cokehead loser, he went to prison, cleaned himself up, and now look at him. He's Ironman; that makes him invincible.
My 4 year old niece Brooklyn cannot grasp the concept that my 24 year old brother is an adult. She goes up to my mom and goes, "Mimi, can I speak to you in private?" They go into the living room and she says, "Mimi, Alex just said FART! He's supposed to say TOOT! You need to put him on time out right now!" That kid is too much.
I had forgotten that Ben Roetheisberger was suspended for the first 4 games of the year. I guess alleged rape does warrant some kind of punishment, but 4 games and getting figuratively raped in the Super Bowl does seem a little excessive.
An hour after eating a half dozen egg rolls and a half dozen ribs, I thought to myself "Is is too late to purge??" It was.
I let my Nana read my blogs. First thing she said was "So you got in a big fight with a guy and he got blood on your jacket?" I said "I wrote that I flipped my pinkie up and a guy exploded. That really didn't happen. That's impossible." The second thing she said was, "I can't believe you said fucking that much. I didn't know you could say fucking on the internet." Wow I really hope I don't get old.
I had to work last night at the club. Tuesday night is karaoke night. Two people sang two separate Nickelback songs and I wanted to kill myself. I thought Nickelback sucks, but Nickelback karaoke might be the worst thing ever. I guess I'm not making an impact.
I now realize there isn't much actual complaining here, but does that really matter?
Like always, let me know what you think.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
My Complaints 2/2/11
I am someone who tries to not let anything bother me. I have a different way of living my life. I don't know if you've ever heard of it, but it's called Hakuna Matata. Its a problem free philosophy if you will. Not a lot of things get on my nerves.
However...
People who walk on escalators drives me crazy. Not people who walk the wrong way, like up the down and down the up escalator, because people normally stop that when they're like 12. But people who walk up the up and down the down. Are you kidding me??? Your time is so precious that you can't take a 10 second ride. Give me a break.
People who dress their pets in clothes are totally annoying. Dogs and cats should never be dressed. The only animal besides humans that should wear clothes: Chimpanzees. What they should wear: Tuxedos. Why? #1 A chimp in a tuxedo is as awesome as it gets. #2 They're called monkey suits for a reason.
I learned something on Monday night. When old men drink too much and try to steal jackets, they instantly learn how to fly. Its an amazing sight, I must tell you.
With all the club closures in downtown San Jose recently, my club has been getting a lot of business. I got in a fight at my work. A giant ginger was getting outta line and wouldn't leave, so it was his time. It was really no big deal. All I did was grab this guy by the neck with one hand, flipped up my pinky finger, and with a big "skadoosh," the fucking guy EXPLODED!!! It was awesome, but my dry cleaning bill is redonkulous now.
Punxsutawney Phil predicted there was going to be an early spring today. I guess Al Gore got to him.
Jim Harbaugh is "keeping his options open" when it comes to Alex Smith. I swear to god, if Alex Smith gets re-signed, then Harbaugh would have wished he took his talents down to South Beach. The Niners will suck something fierce again, and worse than that, I will hate Jim Harbaugh forever(until the next year when they draft Andrew Luck)
Everything that's going on in Egypt right now is crazy. All the riots, all the unrest. People are finally standing up for their rights somewhere in the world. It would be impossible to make any kind of joke about that...EXCEPT...Sarah Palin says she likes the fact that the internet has been shut off by the Egyptian Govt. because that way SHE can't be blamed for the riots. How can she be blamed? Did she make a map of the Pyramids and put crosshairs all over it?
First week on Blogger complete. I might try to get two of these a week if I can. Let's see how international we can make this one.
However...
People who walk on escalators drives me crazy. Not people who walk the wrong way, like up the down and down the up escalator, because people normally stop that when they're like 12. But people who walk up the up and down the down. Are you kidding me??? Your time is so precious that you can't take a 10 second ride. Give me a break.
People who dress their pets in clothes are totally annoying. Dogs and cats should never be dressed. The only animal besides humans that should wear clothes: Chimpanzees. What they should wear: Tuxedos. Why? #1 A chimp in a tuxedo is as awesome as it gets. #2 They're called monkey suits for a reason.
I learned something on Monday night. When old men drink too much and try to steal jackets, they instantly learn how to fly. Its an amazing sight, I must tell you.
With all the club closures in downtown San Jose recently, my club has been getting a lot of business. I got in a fight at my work. A giant ginger was getting outta line and wouldn't leave, so it was his time. It was really no big deal. All I did was grab this guy by the neck with one hand, flipped up my pinky finger, and with a big "skadoosh," the fucking guy EXPLODED!!! It was awesome, but my dry cleaning bill is redonkulous now.
Punxsutawney Phil predicted there was going to be an early spring today. I guess Al Gore got to him.
Jim Harbaugh is "keeping his options open" when it comes to Alex Smith. I swear to god, if Alex Smith gets re-signed, then Harbaugh would have wished he took his talents down to South Beach. The Niners will suck something fierce again, and worse than that, I will hate Jim Harbaugh forever(until the next year when they draft Andrew Luck)
Everything that's going on in Egypt right now is crazy. All the riots, all the unrest. People are finally standing up for their rights somewhere in the world. It would be impossible to make any kind of joke about that...EXCEPT...Sarah Palin says she likes the fact that the internet has been shut off by the Egyptian Govt. because that way SHE can't be blamed for the riots. How can she be blamed? Did she make a map of the Pyramids and put crosshairs all over it?
First week on Blogger complete. I might try to get two of these a week if I can. Let's see how international we can make this one.
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