I think I need a Parental Advisory Label this week.
I missed the Jeopardy test AGAIN!!! I can't believe it. I want to be on that show so bad, but I don't know if I want to be on the regular version or on the college tournament. If I was going to be in the college tournament, then I'd have to sign up for a full load at Chabot. It would be so awesome to whoop someone's ass from Harvard or somewhere while wearing a Chabot College sweatshirt. I'd be like, "SUCK ON THAT FUTURE BOSS!!! COMMUNITY COLLEGE!!!"
My niece is hilarious. The first thing Brooklyn said was, "Alex, come smell my poop. It smells really BAD" The next thing she said was "Alex, you didn't do a good job wiping my butt. It itches!!!" What is going on in my house?
Activision says they're not going to make Guitar Hero games anymore. With them not making Guitar Hero anymore, there are now millions of Guitar Apprentices and Guitar Squires won't be able to fulfill their Guitar Destinies.
For my cousin's birthday, my mom asks me, "Can you drive us to the restaurant?" I said ok and she says, "Good. Then I can drink." AWKWARD!!!
Every time Facebook makes some kind of change, it fucking sucks. What is with this new picture thing? Why is there an unnecessary black box around each picture? It doesn't make anything look better. I know black is slimming, but fat people are still gonna look fat with a black box around their picture. It's retarded and it needs to go immediately.
Republicans make such a big deal about protecting our borders. They really should just say, "Keep the Mexicans away from us!" It's the southern border they want protection from. Don't they get that the worst thing to ever happen to America happened because the northern, not the southern border was left unwatched. We didn't see it coming; reports were ignored and the biggest tragedy in American history happened because we ignored Canada. I'm of course talking about Justin Bieber. He just walked in like he owned the place. He's trying to take over, and HE MUST BE STOPPED!!!
Just because a computer is left up doesn't mean whatever's there is up for grabs. Writing "I LIKE COCK!" or whatever on someone's status update isn't funny, it's retarded. If a blog is up, that doesn't mean read it, ALEX I'M TALKING TO YOU!
Ever since I developed decent credit, I've been getting credit applications all the time. The other day I got one that was completely in Spanish. I was Pre-Calificado so that's bueno, I guess.
Valentine's Day was Monday. There were a lot of people celebrating Valentine's this weekend at the club. Guys out there, you don't need to walk around with a firm grip on your girls' ass all night. We get it, she's yours. Whatever; she's not that hot anyway. Girls, just because you fucked some guy doesn't make him your boyfriend. You need to fuck him at least three times for that. So don't get mad when they look at some other girl.
Continuing on the Valentine's theme, Valentine's Day a couple years ago was very memorable for me. I was going out with this girl from my work, and we'd been going out for a while. We went out on Valentine's Day and she took that moment to tell me that she wanted to "enjoy being single". I must say work was a little awkward after that, especially a couple days after Valentine's Day when she came to work covered with hickeys (that I didn't give her). I guess that's what she meant when she said she wanted to "enjoy being single".
*I'm just kidding. That didn't happen on Valentine's Day. That happened on my birthday. I was saving that little gem of a story for my birthday blog, but I thought it was needed here.
SPECIAL EDITION IS COMING TOMORROW. BE EXCITED!
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