So another week...Let's just get started
There has been horrible weather the last few day. Its been pouring rain off and on the last two weeks. People who like the rain bug me. Whenever it's wet, cold and depressing outside, and someone says they love it like that, watch out for them.
Getting an STD test for guys is pretty traumatic if you didn't know already. What happens is that the Doctor takes a unusually large Q-tip and jams it in your urethra. I would compare the Q-tip to one of those things you have to use to knock an American Gladiator off a platform. Alex compared it to a chimney sweeps scrubber. " 'Ello Govna'. Gonna clean your chimney. Chim chiminy chim chiminy chim chim cheerie. I'm going to shove this inside your peepee"
Today in International Biceps Day! I wonder if tomorrow is International Triceps day? They're supposed to be done back to back at the gym...or so I've been told.
So I started my new job this week, doing security for this tech company. Every day there makes me more and more miserable. What I've noticed is that there is a direct correlation between how miserable I am and how much cake I eat. I pretty much ate a whole cake by myself this week. So there you go.
The other day at work, this guy walked passed my podium without scanning his badge. Scanning his badge is required to get onto the elevator, so I called him back and told him he needed to scan his badge. He turned around and gave me this look like who is this guy telling me what to do...Wait a second. Let's back it up here. Did I mention that right before he walked past my podium without scanning his badge, he just got off his unicycle, and that there was a unicycle convoy directly behind him. That's what I'm dealing with there. Guys on unicycles looking at me like I'M the moron. That whole scenario was a quarter cake right there.
Last week, I decided that it was a good idea to jump out of a perfectly good airplane and plummet to the earth before a big bed sheet opened over my head to slow me down and not kill me. It was the coolest thing I've ever done. I jumped tandem, which means I was attached to a professional skydiver behind me. It did get a little awkward when right before we jumped, the guy I was attached to got a massive boner. I was gonna say something, but I didn't want to die, so I had to let it go. Weird!!!
If you ever at any time make out with a girl, and a few minutes later she projectile vomits, walk away right there. You will be spared months of misery. Enough said.
I had more, but somehow a whole chunk of stuff I wrote got lost. BULLSHIT!!!
Let me know what you think.
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